A Gardener's Limitations
or why garden tools are useful
I recently started reading James Clear’s Atomic Habits.
One of the first things I noticed is that he talks about how bad systems, rather than bad goals, are what prevent us from making the changes we seek to make in our lives.
The word ‘system’ caught my attention because of how often we emphasize in Patterns for Life that a method of education must take precedence over systems.
As I’ve pondered the word ‘system’ and what it means I’ve been struck by the importance of recognizing that systems are tools which we can choose to use or not to use, as we discern whether they will be a help or a hindrance in our efforts to live out the Christian life.
A good system is not the enemy of a method of education; rather, it has the potential to be a powerful ally. The trick is not to mistake the systems we choose to put in place for our overarching purpose. Systems of habits exist to serve our needs, but they are no more than tools in our toolbox, not to be mistaken for the thing we intend to build.
A gardener’s tools exist to help the gardener prune and cultivate his garden. Certainly some gardening can be done with one’s bare hands, but without tools it is so much more difficult (ask me how I know).
Gardening is bounded by many things, from location, to water supply, to the nature of the individual plants a gardener intends to grow, etc. It is not bounded by the tools a gardener has, except when he is lacking the right tools for a particular task.
But a gardener’s tools are not a magical arsenal of equipment that will allow him to produce whatever his heart desires. There is no amount of pruning that can make a tomato plant yield corn or a potato plant yield cucumbers. Even the best and sharpest pruning shears cannot change the nature of an individual plant.
Instead, gardening tools exist to help the gardener care for each plant as itself — cutting back or training vines, watering abundantly or sparingly, locating each plant in sunshine or in shade according to its preference — the results will not be uniform or monotonous by any stretch! The gardener who uses his tools to care for his plants in harmony with their nature will see diversity and abundance. Vibrant wholeness will permeate his garden, giving rise to a delightful paradise to enjoy.
As we parent our children it can be easy to mistake the systems we put in place for magical tools that will change their nature. We notice what appear to be ‘problem’ behaviors and want to fix them so we can have things the way we want, or the way our spouse wants, or the way ‘polite society’ wants. And it’s true, some behaviors and habits that our children pick up are problematic. But we must be careful not to mistake problem-solving for a final cure that will End All Bad Behavior Forever and suddenly turn our children into our idea of perfection.
We use systems of habits purposefully, with intention; adjusting or discarding the tools as necessary if we realize that they are not appropriate for the task at hand.