Juggling 101
or how to get comfortable with dropping balls
There is a common concern that comes up every so often amongst homeschooling moms, though no doubt variations of it exist for all mothers:
I feel like I’m drowning. There is so much to do. How do you manage to cook, clean, homeschool, do laundry, garden, spend time with your husband, find time to shower, find time to read, etc, etc, etc… how do you do it all?!
Immediately when that question arises I find myself with two reactions that follow one after the other. First, I feel like a deer in the headlights, put on the spot to answer the question intelligently with a magical answer that will Solve All Problems. Then I actually go into problem-solving mode; I want to offer a whole bunch of suggestions about things that work for me in the hope that something I say might prove useful.
I’ve come to realize that by jumping in to offer answers to the surface question I am inadvertently perpetuating the idea that I do, indeed, “have it all together”, and that I do, indeed, “get all the things done.”
But guess what?
I don’t. Nor have I ever.
There are good days for sure. Those are the days when it feels like the sun is shining, the birds are singing, and I’m on top of the world. I have energy, the kids are cooperative and cheerful. The chores get done, school happens the way I planned, the meals are a hit, and by the end of the day the house in spic and span and I can go to bed with a smile on my face.
Here’s the thing, though: I’ve had maybe one or two days where all of those things have happened within a 24-hour period, but the reality? The reality is that ninety-nine days out of a hundred I’ll only get one or two of those things to happen.
I have energy, but the kids are ornery.
Or, the kids are cheerful and pleasant, but no school happens because I get interrupted by phone call after phone call that can’t be ignored.
Or, chores go smoothly, but the rice is under-cooked in a meal that nobody seems to want anyway, so nobody eats and crankiness ensues.
Or, maybe I’ve managed to put things in order by the end of the day, but only because it was my last hope at salvaging the wreckage of a day fallen to pieces.
The possible variations on this theme are endless. I can’t keep all the balls in the air simultaneously. I’m simply not capable of juggling that many!
Once in a blue moon I am given a glimpse of what it might feel like to juggle all those balls well, but the between times are filled with days of dropped balls, missed catches, and wild throws.
But as I have struggled through the hard days and rejoiced over the good days I have slowly, but surely, increased my juggling capacity.
What would have been impossible ten years ago is second nature now. What I cried about last year seems more manageable this year. And what I gave up on yesterday I can try again tomorrow.
If there is a trick to all this it is not in the system that brings success but in the refusal to give up when I don’t figure out the perfect system the first time.
Will I be able to do it all (whatever “all” means)? No. Plain and simple. No one can do it all.
But I can continue to grow and continue to adapt and continue to stretch myself. If I could go back and advise my younger self I would say,
Don’t be afraid when it’s hard.
You will struggle. Sometimes you will fail, but don’t shy away from your failures and don’t let them keep you from pushing onward toward growth. Get back up when you fall, dust yourself off, find out where you need to adjust, and try again.
Remember the comforting words given to St. Paul: “My grace is sufficient for you; My strength is made perfect in weakness.” (2Cor. 12:9)
Keep your eyes on Christ and you will never sink.
Rejoice in your successes, but never forget that they are a gift from God, and they are not a measure of your worth.
“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.” (James 1:17)
It’s ok to recognize the difficulties as difficulties and to troubleshoot. Just don’t look for any permanent solutions outside of Christ, and cling to Him as you continue to put one foot in front of the other, from one day to the next.